The last few months has been quite a ride for me. I’ve spent a lot of time working through some of my wounds, dealing with my anxiety, and generally making friends with my demons. It’s been a challenging but rewarding time.
One of the biggest changes was recognising that anxiety is actually a messenger, and not something that needs to be banished from my life (I wrote a whole post about it here and include a free tarot spread). My shadows/demons are my biggest strengths, not my biggest weaknesses. And, there is always something to learn. Anxiety was a messenger pointing me back to my joy. Yes, it’s that simple. I haven’t had any major panic attacks or anxiety issues since then. I have one small bout of anxiety, but once I realised it and worked out what was going on it left.
We like to complicate things, a lot. Things are not that complicated to work out. They are really quite simple, but society has brainwashed us to complicate things.
I have noticed a number of benefits since working through these issues.
My headspace is clearer
I can think clearly. It’s like I’ve opened up the windows and allowed a strong breeze to blow through and clear things out. This helps me to see things as they are rather than through anxiety and overthinking. I can also let go of issues easier. I can quickly recognise when something is my issue or someone else’s issue, and then deal with it in an appropriate manner.
I’ve let go of a lot of “I need to do this” thinking
I’ve blogged about my business plans in the past. It was a “I need to do this because everyone else is doing it and I’m obviously not worthy of anything unless I’m doing it too” situation. I don’t want to jump on the business bandwagon for a lot of reasons. The first is that it’s not the right timing for me. The second is that I don’t like the way business works. I have major issues with capitalism and materialism. Tacking “heart centred business” onto your business does not make it a heart centred business, which is what a lot of spiritual businesses do (and this is a whole other blog post). But, the point remains. It’s not yet time for me to be diving into business. I still have healing work to do. That’s not an excuse, that’s a reason. I’m not ready, and I don’t think the spiritual community is ready for my “queer tough love” message yet. Instead, I’m focusing on finding my message and being in the flow. Big changes are ahead, and I want to be ready to go with it rather than resisting it.
Divination is easier
This is the one thing that has blown my mind with all this healing work. In the past I’d had trouble working with particular decks, such as the Radiant Rider Waite Smith Tarot, and my Runes. Yesterday I used both of these systems in a reading and it was as easy as scoffing a batch of delicious peanut butter fudge. They read beautifully. The message was clear and very spot on. I’ve also been working with some other decks this month that I’d found challenging in the past, and again it’s been a great experience. Which makes me think a lot of interesting thoughts about how and why we connect with some decks and not others. Needless to say, the decks I have set aside for trading will be worked with intensely before I make my final decision.
There are other things I’d noticed, but I wanted to chat about these ones today.
As I mentioned above, there are some big changes happening in my life at the moment. Mostly it’s been stuff inside of me, but there are some things on the horizon that I will talk about in the future.
I’m spending my time at the moment pottering around in my flat, doing some craft, and listening to podcasts and watching some Terence McKenna lectures on YouTube. This is a time of learning, but it also feels like a moment of peace before my life gets tipped on its head, which changes have a tendency to do.